I don’t think I’m rude.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
The problem is that sometimes people say things that leave me with two options:
- Be honest.
- Lie.
And unfortunately, honesty occasionally arrives wearing steel-toed boots.
For example…
A guy once interrupted me halfway through explaining something.
“Actually, I already know.”
I looked at him.
Then I looked at the mistake he was actively making.
Then back at him.
“That makes this situation considerably more concerning.”
Someone once confidently presented an idea so bad it felt like it had been assembled under emergency conditions.
When they finished speaking, the room went silent.
I finally said:
“You’re incredibly brave for saying that out loud.”
One person asked me:
“Do you think I’m intelligent?”
I said:
“I think intelligence is a spectrum.”
They smiled.
I continued:
“And you’re definitely participating.”
There was a group discussion where somebody misunderstood a very simple instruction.
Not slightly misunderstood.
Completely misunderstood.
The kind of misunderstanding that makes you wonder whether words mean different things to different people.
After they explained their interpretation, I simply replied:
“That’s definitely one way to look at it.”
Not the correct way.
But certainly one of the available options.
A friend once made a mistake.
Then repeated it.
Then defended it.
Then made it again.
I said:
“Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes.”
He smiled.
I continued.
“Yours just happen more often.”
One person spent ten minutes arguing confidently about something that was objectively false.
After listening patiently, I replied:
“I admire your commitment to this version of reality.”
Somebody told me:
“I don’t care what people think.”
I said:
“It shows.”
One person insulted me hoping for an argument.
I looked at them for a few seconds.
Then said:
“Your opinion has been noted.”
Nothing hurts quite like discovering your attack has been processed as administrative paperwork.
A guy once said:
“You think you’re always right.”
I said:
“No.”
Pause.
“Just more often than this conversation.”
Someone attempted to correct me publicly.
Incorrectly.
Which is a dangerous combination.
After they finished speaking, I replied:
“I appreciate your confidence.”
Then I paused.
“Confidence is important.”
One person said:
“You always have something to say.”
I replied:
“And yet somehow we’re still having to listen to this.”
A girl once told me:
“I like you.”
I smiled.
Then said:
“Better from a distance.”
The conversation ended immediately.
As did my chances.
Someone presented an idea so unbelievably bad that I genuinely thought it was satire.
It wasn’t.
I responded:
“You always manage to surprise me.”
They smiled.
Then I finished.
“And not in a good way.”
A friend asked me why my replies sometimes sound insulting.
I told him the truth.
“The difference between an insult and an observation is usually whether the person agrees with it.”
I genuinely don’t think I’m rude.
I think people keep presenting opportunities.
And as responsible citizens, opportunities should never be wasted.
