What do women want?
I’m not the first guy to ask that question, and I won’t be the last.
If we are to believe all those YouTube and Instagram shorts, we’d be led to believe it’s all about money, power, and a six-pack.
But, of course, that’s not the full story. Actual research paints a different picture entirely—a picture that might surprise many of you.
Let’s see if it does.
Here are four things women actually desire in a partner.
1) Kindness
Yep, kindness.
We’ve all heard the popular saying that nice guys finish last, but “kindness” topped the list of things that women want in a partner in a 2019 study.
And no, this wasn’t some tiny survey with a few responses. It consisted of over 68,000 participants in 180 countries, and a whopping 88% percent of women considered “kindness” to be very important in a partner.
Another study conducted in 2013 found altruism to be a very desirable characteristic in long-term relationships.
Furthering this, its importance is echoed by experts like professor and licensed counselor Dr. Suzanne Degges-White. She noted in a Psychology Today post:
“Women need men to show kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, and compassion. Regardless of the type of relationship, men and women should be considerate of each other’s feelings.”
How to show kindness
It’s simple stuff, guys, but it’s also easy to overlook. Here’s a quick checklist that might help:
Regularly express gratitude and appreciation for your partner.
Engage in small acts of thoughtfulness and consideration daily.
Listen actively and empathetically when your partner is speaking.
Offer support and encouragement during challenging times.
Practice patience and give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
2) Confidence
Here’s one you probably expected. It’s no secret that confidence is a pretty attractive trait in men (and probably in women, too).
When I was a younger man, I thought getting girls was all about confidence.
And the research backs this up to some extent. In the survey I mentioned, 60% of women thought this was important in a partner.
Here are a few ways to show more confidence in your relationship:
Maintain open and honest communication without fear of judgment.
Be decisive and willing to make decisions after considering your partner’s opinions.
Trust in your abilities and exhibit self-assurance in your actions.
Respect your own needs and assert them respectfully in the relationship.
Celebrate your achievements and those of your partner without competition.
However, this came as only the fifth most important trait. This next came in at number two.
3) Supportiveness
Just trailing behind kindness, with 86.5% of women saying it was very important in a long term partner, supportiveness was the second most desirable trait.
Dr. Degges-White has also mentioned this one, calling it a “primary role.”
And it seems that this has remained relatively unchanged over the years. A 2008 survey found that “dependable character” was the second most desired trait in a partner.
And it makes sense when we think about it. I mean, who wants a partner who isn’t there when things get tough?
When the chips are down, we all crave that pillar of strength and understanding.
Supportiveness never goes out of style.
How to show support
As advised by Dr. White, here are a few things we should be doing:
Take time to listen actively to your partner’s concerns and aspirations.
Engage actively in major decisions, child-rearing, finances, etc.
Make your presence a positive and supportive one in all aspects of your partner’s life.
4) Intelligence
Third on the list was one we could probably guess, too, but perhaps we wouldn’t have guessed it would feature so highly: intelligence.
Just over 7 in 10 women believed this to be of high importance in a partner.
Of course, intelligence in this context likely isn’t just about academic credentials or IQ scores; it probably includes emotional intelligence, the ability to engage in stimulating conversations, and a knack for problem-solving and critical thinking.
And when we think of it this way, it really makes a lot of sense.
For many women, a partner who is mentally engaging not only contributes to a more interesting daily life but also ensures better handling of relationship challenges through thoughtful communication and informed decisions.
A few other things you’ll want to know
Before we wrap this up, let’s dive into a few revelations about what those YouTube influencers are telling you to do to get a girl.
Ambition
What might surprise some of you is that while men ranked “ambition” in their top five things they wanted in a partner, this did not make the top five things women wanted in a man.
This is not to say it’s not important – 52% of women deemed it to be very important — but perhaps it’s not as important as some guys would make it out to be.
Appearance
Only 22.3% of respondents thought an “attractive body” was important.
Perhaps surprisingly, the most important physical features for women looking for something long-term were an attractive smile and nice eyes.
The size of your ____
You know what I am talking about. We men often get caught up on size in this area but the results of this survey (and a large survey it was) suggest that an average-sized one is much more desirable than a big one.
Money
This is the big one. You need money to attract high-quality women, right?
Well maybe. It might actually depend on where you are.
What do I mean by this?
“Financial security” was rated very important in some countries. For example, almost 60% of women in the US said it was very important. The case was similar for Japan, Mexico, and Colombia.
However, in European countries like Italy, Spain, and France, less than 40% of women classed this as very important in a long-term partner.
What can we take away from this?
As we’ve seen, the qualities women value in a life partner might not align with the stereotypes often propagated in popular media.
An overwhelming majority of women worldwide prize kindness above all other traits in a long-term partner. This suggests that the idea that “nice guys finish last” is far from the truth in the real-world dating scene.
While confidence is certainly appreciated, it ranks below both kindness and supportiveness in importance. This highlights a preference for partners who are not only self-assured but also genuinely supportive of their significant other.
Intelligence is more significant in long-term partnerships than many might assume, demonstrating that mental connection is crucial.
Contrary to the heavy emphasis on physique that dominates social media advice, women place higher importance on an attractive smile and nice eyes over a perfect body.
The importance of financial security varies significantly across different cultures, indicating that economic stability’s role in attractiveness is not universally fixed.
That’s about it from me today.
As always, I hope you found some value in this post.
Until next time.
Global English Editing
