It can become such a reflex that it’s easy to miss that you’re even saying the word: “Sorry, quick question,” or, “I’m sorry for the long email.”
Apologizing has its place: when you’ve actually done something wrong. But too many professionals find themselves saying “sorry” in situations that don’t require an apology.
As a keynote speaker, author, and LinkedIn Learning Instructor focused on presence and communication, I’ve helped thousands of professionals show up with credibility and confidence. And over-apologizing is one of the most common habits that undermines both.
‘Sorry’ can hurt you more than you think
Apologies are meaningful when they’re warranted and our tendency to say “sorry” stems from good intentions: to be polite, respectful, and agreeable.
But when it becomes your default — even when you’ve done nothing wrong — it can quietly signal that you lack confidence, authority, or conviction. It doesn’t just soften your message, it can make others perceive you as weak. Because if you’re saying “sorry” for taking up space in a meeting, sending a follow-up email, or asking a question, you’re not being polite. You’re preemptively discrediting yourself.
Once you start noticing it, you’ll see it everywhere:
In meetings: “Sorry, can I just say something really quick?”
In emails: “Sorry to bother you — just checking in.”
In everyday conversations: “Sorry, I’m not quite understanding what you mean…”
Often, “sorry” is acting as a placeholder for something else: nervousness, hesitation, or a fear of being judged. These feelings can also show up as other “minimizing language,” or phrases that undermine your message when speaking. You might sprinkle in a lot of “just”s or say, “I might be wrong, but…”
Over time, a pattern of over-apologizing and using minimizing language sends a subtle but clear message:
“I’m not sure I belong here.”
“My question probably isn’t worth your time.”
“You’re doing me a favor by listening.”
Whether consciously or not, people pick up on these cues. It might prevent them from taking your ideas seriously and make them more likely to interrupt or overlook you. It can also cause you to clam up preemptively, conditioning you to expect rejection or pushback before you’ve even said anything.
Make subtle yet powerful changes
You don’t need to eliminate “sorry” from your vocabulary entirely. But you do need to know when to swap it for something stronger. Here are my best tips:
1. Reframe the moment with appreciation
This is one of my favorite swaps:
Instead of: “Sorry I’m late.”
Try: “Thanks for waiting.”
Instead of: “Sorry for the long message.“
Try: “Appreciate you taking the time to read this.”
These subtle yet powerful changes keep the tone positive and help you appear more confident. It shows you value the other person’s time too without shrinking your own presence.
2. Trim unnecessary apologies out of neutral interactions
Don’t start your contribution with “sorry” unless you’ve genuinely made a mistake. If you’re sharing an idea, checking in, or asking a question, there’s nothing to apologize for!
Instead of: “Sorry to follow up.”
Try: “Following up to see if you had a chance to review. If not, when would be a better time to check back in?”
Instead of: “Sorry, can I jump in?“
Try: “I’d like to add a quick thought.”
3. Use direct language when offering ideas or feedback
Don’t apologize in advance for disagreeing or sharing an idea. It makes your input easier to dismiss before it’s even heard.
Instead of: “Sorry if this is off base…”
Try: “One thing to consider is…”
Instead of: “I might be wrong, but…”
Try: “Here’s another perspective to think about.”
Break the ‘sorry’ habit
Like any communication shift, it takes practice to break this habit. But small, intentional steps make a big difference.
Track it: For one day, count how many times you say or write “sorry” or use other examples of minimizing language. The volume may surprise you! Notice when it happens, too — and whether the situation really warranted it.
Replace it with something stronger: Try using “thank you,” jumping straight into your point, or simply pausing instead.
Practice out loud: If you tend to say “sorry” in meetings, prep one or two phrases you’ll use instead to jump in. To help get those phrases into your muscle memory, rehearse them out loud in advance.
And at the end of the day, remember this: You deserve to take up space just as much as the next person.
CNBC
