…Sometimes, silence can be your greatest strength
Morgan McMurrin
Some things in life just feel too good or too big to keep to yourself. They’re the kind of moments that make you want to spin around in the middle of the sidewalk or send a hundred texts just to say, “Guess what happened?!” And there’s nothing wrong with that. It can be exciting and even bring you closer to people when you let them in on what’s going on in your world. However, there are also parts of your life and thoughts you may be having that are best kept just for yourself. Though, many people fail to know what exactly falls under that list. To find out what things you should always keep to yourself, keep reading.
Since navigating this topic can be tricky, we reached out to psychologists Dr. Noelle Santorelli, Dr. Jaime Zuckerman and Dr. J.J. Kelly to hear what they have to say. That way, the next time you feel the urge to say something—you’ll be more aware about if you should or not. After all, the most challenging part is sometimes just figuring out where to draw the line in the first place and what things are better never actually being voiced out loud to others. From questioning what information you should keep from your coworkers, if you should voice your opinion to someone about a lifestyle choice, if you could share an insecurity or your financial matters, the list goes on and on.
So, if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re oversharing—or revealing your own opinions where you shouldn’t—you’re about to find out. You might even be surprised at what our experts have to say, but just remember, sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is not tell the world something.
9 Things You Should Always Keep to Yourself, According to Psychologists
1. Opinions on Other People’s Lifestyle Choices
Have you ever felt tempted to say something to a friend or family member about something they are doing that you would do differently without them asking you to? If so, our experts say this is a situation many people find themselves in where they fail to keep their opinion to themselves and it often gets them into trouble.
“Keep in mind that commenting on how someone chooses to eat, live, work or even rest often says more about your own values than theirs,” Dr. Santorelli tells Parade. “I always encourage people to remember ‘impact over intent.’”
Dr. Kelly adds that even if you’ve been drinking and have more of an urge to share your thoughts with someone about how they are going about something in their life, you should keep it to yourself. “Liquid courage is a real thing, so watch your impulse to call out a behavior you don’t like,” they note.
2. Opinions on Others’ Parenting Decisions
When it comes to offering parenting advice or commenting about anything parenting related, if you are not asked, our experts suggest you keep your mouth shut.
“While you may think you’re offering helpful advice or perspective, unsolicited input can feel judgmental or shaming—especially in areas as personal and emotionally charged as parenting.” Dr. Santorelli discloses. “Judgment rarely inspires true change and it can actually make people feel defensive, disconnected or less safe being themselves around you. If someone asks for your insight, that’s a different story—and in those cases, it’s important to respond with compassion, curiosity and care.”
3. Secrets Someone Shared With You
“When someone shares a secret with you, they’re entrusting you with a part of their vulnerability and trust, an act of emotional intimacy,” Dr. Santorelli explains. “If this trust is violated by the revelation of their secret, it can lead to feelings of betrayal, abandonment or humiliation—even if the secret seemed trivial to you. Sharing another person’s secret can be perceived as gossip, and takes away the person’s autonomy—it is not your story or secret to share. The breach of trust not only damages your relationship, but it can also influence the person’s willingness to be vulnerable with others in the future.”
Our experts say there is an exception to this, though.
“If someone tells you a secret, but it’s something life threatening, you should report it if it means they were at risk for harming themselves or someone else,” Dr. Zuckerman explains. “However, if no one was at risk of danger, and they are trusting you with their secret, then you should feel it is your obligation to keep that information to yourself.”
4. Saying “I Told You So!”
“While it might be hard, you refrain from saying ‘I told you so…’ out loud and keep that comment in your head,” Dr. Kelly advises. “For example, if your friend just broke up with someone you never liked, keep that to yourself. If you did not have the courage to tell your friend you were worried about the match—when they were in it—you don’t score points for saying it after the breakup.”
5. Personal Insecurities
While it’s completely alright to talk about your insecurities with your partner or someone you’re close with, our experts suggest you don’t do so with everyone you meet because you never know they will use them against you or judge you because of them.
“Being vulnerable can be very powerful—but it’s not the same as exposing your deepest fears and insecurities to people who haven’t earned that right,” Dr. Santorelli says. “Personal insecurities, such as fears about your looks, abilities or worth, are vulnerabilities that should be kept private to protect your sense of worth and emotional wellness.”
6. Body Comments
“You should keep your thoughts about someone else’s body to yourself, even if someone directly asks you a question about their body,” Dr. Zuckerman says.
“Commenting on someone’s body—even with the best intentions, or even if you think it is a compliment—is best kept to yourself,” Dr. Santorelli adds, further telling Parade that body-related comments tend to have more of a negative impact. “From a psychological perspective, body-based comments can do more harm than good, even when framed as compliments. For example, saying something like ‘You’ve lost weight!’ or ‘You look so good!’ might be meant as affirming, but you never know what’s really behind someone’s appearance. It could be illness, grief, an eating disorder or extreme stress. What you see on the outside doesn’t always reflect health or happiness.”
7. Details of a Private Conversation
“When someone engages in a private conversation with you, there’s an unspoken agreement that what’s shared stays between you,” Dr. Santorell says. “Sharing the details of that exchange with others—even casually or ‘just venting’—can break trust and diminish the sense of psychological safety in the relationship. Trust and confidentiality are the cornerstone of emotional intimacy. When a conversation is taken out of context or repeated without consent, it risks being seen as gossip, is open to misinterpretation, and can drive unnecessary conflict. It also sends the message that the relationship is not a safe space for vulnerability or sharing.”
8. Unsolicited Advice
“If a friend or loved one doesn’t directly ask you for your opinion, keep it to yourself, because most people are repelled by unsolicited advice,” Dr. Kelly informs Parade. “Though the intention of offering your opinion may be to help, the impact of it is often received as invalidating a person’s emotional experience, and also assumes that they haven’t already thought of what you are offering.”
9. “Mean Girl” Remarks
“Just because something is true or felt doesn’t mean it needs to be said. Learning to filter what you share helps maintain respect and connection,” Dr. Santorelli notes. “Saying mean girl-like remarks out loud may give you a moment of superiority or a false sense of connection with others, but in the long term, it can cost you your integrity and damage your trust.”
Dr. Zuckerman agrees and tells Parade that on top of that, you shouldn’t voice “mean girl” comments because it can also hurt the other person in the process.
“You have no idea what someone is going through mentally and physically,” she reveals. “While one mean remark alone may not seem that bad, it can have a profound impact on someone’s mental wellness. Their emotional response to this may appear disproportionate to one comment, but in reality, it may be this one comment plus several other difficult issues they are dealing with personally.”
Parade
